Dramatic Monologue

This was the hardest one to write.


I’ve been dating Brandon for about a month now. We met in health class…well I’ve actually had a “thing” for him for a while now. But it was in health class when we really began to talk. He’s smart and funny. Our first assignment was the overrated this life like doll is you baby crap. We were assigned “parents not married”. He did a good job, called me when I had the “kid”, making sure Brandon Jr. was ok. I didn’t have choice in naming our kid; he said he wanted his first kid to be a boy and to be named after him. I was fine with it, but I wanted a girl named Penelope. I think that’s one of the most beautiful names in world. Brandon did a good job in playing the father; he was the only guy in class who knew how to change the diaper. Even the fake lesbian couple failed at that. I could never get that damn doll to stop crying, but Brandon…he would just pick it up rock it and it would stop. He had that touch. He taught me how to hold the baby. “Place the head in the crook of one of your arms and wrap your other arm around the baby or hold the original arm with the second arm. Or you can lay the baby’s chest down over one of your forearms and use your other arm to lie across the baby's back to hold him.” The day I found out we passed the assignment I found him at his locker. I told him it was because he knew what he was doing. He laughed and said that I would make a good mother too some day. I blushed and said thanks and as I walked away he said something that I been waiting to hear. He asked we could hang out someday and we did. Dinner and a movie. He was such a gentleman. He opened the doors for me, paid for everything, and he gave me his jacket when I got cold. After the movie he invited me to his house. I’ve should of said no, but I was afraid that he wouldn’t talked to me if I said no. We sat on the couch and talk. He told me I was beautiful, and then kissed my check. I laughed nervously. Then he kissed my neck. I was scared, but I knew he was a good guy. He took care of our baby. He would do no wrong. I wanted him to stop as he made his way down, unbuttoning my shirt. I guess I was caught up in the moment, I wanted this…I thought. Every thing happened so fast. That was then. This is now. My family are devoted Catholics. If they found out what I am doing, I’ll be crucified. After that night he never called me. At school he does not make eye contact. He makes me feel like I have some kinda growth that’s on my face. This will only take a few minutes, but I know it will last for decades. These posters in the room, showing me how a baby develops in side the womb, it’s too much. I’m not ready…I’m not ready to be a mother. This is guilt, because I wouldn’t have to convince myself that this is the right thing to do. I want to pray. Pray to God. Pray that when this is over to feed my baby when he or she is hungry. Because mommy can’t do it now. Pray that when my baby is crying, that you God will rock him or her to sleep. Because mommy can’t do it now. Pray that when my baby is sleepy that you God will sing him or to sleep. Because mommy can’t do it now. Pray that when it is bath time that you God will clean him with your kisses. Because mommy can’t do it now. Pray that you God will laugh with my baby when he or she laughs. Because mommy can’t do it now. Pray that you God will walk along side with y baby on his or her first steps, not letting him or her fall out of Heaven. Because mommy cant do it now. Your heart will beat stronger than anyone’s, your smile will shine brighter than anyone’s, you laughter will be joyful than anyone’s. Pray to you God, that you will let my baby know that I will always love him or her, that I will always feel empty inside, that I would die for my baby just to meet him or her in Heaven and hold him or her soft body in my arms. I would stop breathing for you just to give what should have been your first breath. I pray to you God, that my baby will forgive me for what I done, because mommy can’t do it now.